Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Randomly Me

i am: forgiven and free and still in awe that Jesus calls me, the wretch, “Friend”.

i think: I will ruin my kids.

i know: I am not big enough to ruin God’s plans for my kids.

i want: to write and sing and dance and laugh and live and love – completely abandoned for the glory of Christ.

i have: read Romans in Rome, been to Alaska and Hawaii in the same month and sun-bathed on a dozen beaches around the world. Cinque Terra, Italy is my favorite so far!

i wish: my kids would obey a tenth of what I ask. But I kinda like hoping in their strong wills.

i hate: that I find discontentment often.

i miss: spa pamperings.

i fear:  desert temptations, burning bushes and missing God's outstretched hand.

i feel: forgotten and yet completely loved, desperate and yet immeasurably blessed… a contradicted soul.

i hear: the cries of broken hearts in the everyday conversations of life.

i smell: fresh cut summer grass, flowers in full bloom, little boy sweat and little girl lip gloss.

i crave: God’s presence and a simple, Spirit-led life knowing simple does not mean easy and Spirit-led does not fit neatly in calendar squares.

i search: for the next thing. Just the very next thing God has for me… because searching for more always leaves me in a tailspin.

i wonder: why roses look best in red and lilies smell so sweet, how God knew the sky would be breathtaking in blue and the sound of the ocean’s tide would drench my parched soul, what God thinks of me right now and why He would ever invite me in to what He is doing.

i regret: things I shouldn’t because they are all a part of the story God has written for me with mercy’s pen.

i love: little boy feet, little girl songs, children’s giggles floating on a summer breeze, sand between my toes and salty kisses, watching sunsets wrapped in strong, loving arms, and the endless gifts falling faster than I can count – every one of them revealing the Giver.

i ache: for the widowed and orphaned, the impoverished, those whose basic human needs are not met on a daily basis and for every broken family everywhere.

i care: what people think of me while wanting desperately to only care about pleasing God.

i always: cry when I glimpse men, strong and reserved, with arms lifted high in worship.

i am not: who I once was… I am a new creation… but still in process!

i believe: in handwritten letters and handmade gifts, make believe and daydreams, good conversations over hot coffee, that a picture really is worth a thousand words, in building relationships not trophy collections, and in acting the age you feel instead of the age you are.

i dance: for Jesus probably as often as I fall to my knees for Him.

i sing: in the car, in the shower, cooking dinner, anywhere, everywhere. I belt it out even though my Grandmamma said I can’t carry a tune in a bucket…

i don’t always: do what I should. But who does?

i fight: for the souls of my children. Every. day.

i write: to remember the journey and find hope in the transformation revealed along the way, to archive God’s whispers in my ear.

i win: because Christ won.

i lose: when I don’t take hold of Truth.

i never: have learned the right thing to say at the right time. And so there is grace…

i confuse: passion for anger

i listen: for God, to hear His quiet voice, to believe that He is near, that He would not leave me or forsake me.

i can usually be found: reading or writing or holding a camera, drinking coffee or running or singing to Jesus, chasing kids or dogs or quiet places, stealing kisses in the corner with my man and finding joy in little smiles and discovery squats learning about this sphere that spins time all over again.

i am scared: of living a story not worth telling, a story that is bland and boring, a story void of God and His glory.

i need: less than I think.

i am happy about: leaving a safe life I felt trapped in to live an unsafe life free in Christ.