Sometimes, I try this idea of writing simply to spill thoughts on a page, for love of the written word, using a prompt from various sources. How? I start and end a post in 15 minutes. The professionals, they do five minutes. I do fifteen. And then I share what fifteen minutes gets me. Just fifteen minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real. I thank you in advance for enfolding me in your crazy grace.
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Today's Prompt: STRETCH
This is what I asked for.
This is what God laid on my heart and I prayed about for over two
years. And then, randomly one day in the
kitchen, the Chef and I made the decision.
And for months, I’ve been riding on the euphoric cloud that
God has answered my prayers and I can officially call myself a homeschooler.
And then books started to arrive.
And more books.
With “Teacher’s Manuals”.
For the teacher. Me, apparently. Because I had faith to pray to a God who listens.
And the calendar started to clear. And more room appeared in those little white
squares that count off a life.
More space… to teach.
Less time… for me or fellowship or ministry. Because THIS is my ministry. And this is where I will find fellowship. With my own flesh and blood.
So now I sit in my house full of books staring at a blank
calendar wondering what my life will look like and how I will emotionally put
one foot in front of the other, how I will let those books build a bridge between
us, not a wall.
And I strike up the thought that sometimes our prayers are
answered because He needs us to remember how much we need Him. And in a quiet house, stocked and ready to
learn, I feel incapable and alone. So.
very. alone. And I desperately need Him, the Teacher.
I am emotionally stretched. Completely.
I have so many books to educate. But they only give me the educational facts
to communicate. And my student closes
her heart tight and these manuals don’t say anything about how to break open
the heart seams, how to gently walk in and catch a glimpse, how to take note of its condition
and saturate it with love and grace. Tender love and
wild grace.
And the kids have been acting up. Fighting without ceasing and I want to pray
without ceasing and the books, the ones for the teacher don’t say anything
about this.
And this is only the beginning.
And I’m stretched. Beyond my ability. Straight to my weaknesses. And I
see how this is what He intended all along.
What He always intends. To
stretch me straight to the cross. Because without Him I can do nothing (John
15:5). And without Him, hearts don’t
change and weaknesses are not folded up into His strength so He may be
glorified.
Stretched to the cross I must lay myself down. Because everything that is stretching me has
one purpose. To destroy my flesh. Because my flesh will not educate any of us.
So I reach for the only teacher’s manual I really need. And I soak up every life-giving word from the
Word. And I pray for this year to
come. And I know. The Teacher and His manual, they will take us
to new heights and we will most certainly learn a thing or two.
