Why do I write? Me. Why do I spill the words in this space, any space? So I’ve pondered this question with myself and my God in the quiet places trying to be as real as I can be in His presence. Because He knows before I speak what my real looks like. Here are some thoughts as I’ve tussled through this question: Should I keep going?
I write to dream big and hope long, and to wrestle through my mess with God, with myself… put my untamed emotions on the table and claim them, own them, surrender them. I write to give my heart a space to cry and dance. Because when I write, honest and brave, I can see the true condition of my heart. When I let the real words, the bare-boned truth collect on a page, I see the unsightly, the raw and repulsive, how ungodly I really am as my very nature and how much I desperately need Him and His Son and His grace. Soul saving, life changing, heart transforming grace. And how I really don’t need anything else.
And I can take hold of humility when I am staring at this destructive inner beast that is my very own creation.
That’s a big part of why I write… to stare my ugly in the face and hope in the stark beautiful that is God. To reconcile what I know in my head and what I believe in my heart because sometimes it’s so hard to believe.
When I read the Bible, when I read about David and Moses and Abraham, when I read about the Pharisees and the many people Jesus encountered, when I read about Peter’s hat trick denial, I see. It’s so easy. It’s so obvious. Trust God. Believe! Don’t you see what He is doing? He’s. right. there!
The God of the Bible is still right here, breathing warm right next to me. He is still doing things that are so obvious if I would just archive the story and I have much to say on story. Mostly, that I want a great one. One that can only be explained by God’s power and sovereignty, His beauty and grace. One that makes Him so recognizable because I am just, well, human. A wretch.
So I write. Because the story, it unfolds slowly over time. And chapter 38 reveals God so obviously because of the first 37 chapters that only whispered His presence.
As I bleed my heart in to this space, I take hold of God alone. And in my bleeding out, I pray He is lifted up. And so I write. As an act of worship.
I hit publish because I pray others will see Him too. I want you to see the first 37 chapters so we can all stand in awe of Him as we read Chapter 38 together. And I want you to be encouraged when you see my messy and this God that reaches down from the Heavens to transform me by His love. This God who doesn’t step into my story but writes me into His as the object of His affection. Because that’s the only way my story can really be great. And that’s not even the amazing part. The amazing part is He is doing the same for you.
Sharing stories is such a powerful way to see this God who is immutable, unchangeable, changing us all. This extraordinary God in the ordinary moments of life. So, yes, I think I will continue to write. Imperfectly. Randomly. As He gives the words. Slowly revealing His story.
Over the past year, I’ve put up posts here and there and you, friends, have encouraged me every step of the way with your grace-filled selves! Thank you so much. I am so grateful for you. I wouldn’t have the courage to do this without you cheering me on and joining me on this adventure. You each are counted as gifts!
Here were some of my favorite posts over the year:
I pray for us all that we would find the courage to take hold of what God gives us and do everything for His glory! I'm looking forward to what He has for us here in the year to come.